leonkumquat:

when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

they’re married now

shutub:

squidinthesky:

All of my friends are fun, talented, cutie-patooties, and I’m just here like

image

WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT TALENTED THT WAS THE MOST MAJESTIC THING IVE EVER SEEN

schrodingers-tribble:

notyour-sidekick:

deerpong:

there’s something very satisfying about buying office supplies but I’m not quite sure how to explain that feeling

the illusion of productivity

that’s it that’s the feeling

Anonymous:
One time i went to olive garden with my mom and she told me she was alcoholic and then the next time we went she told me that she was divorcing my dad
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